He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize