i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
