Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
