I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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