SEEEEXXX PLEASE
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
