The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
