Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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