I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
