last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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