The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My life is pants optional.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
