dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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