Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
