It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
