my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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