What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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