At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
