and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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