Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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