I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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