Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
