He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
