My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
