Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
