im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
