i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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