evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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