Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
