DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
