We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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