Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
