you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
