You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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