Will you blow on my dice?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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