I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
