it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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