you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
