the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
