My sheets look like a crime scene.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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