what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
