we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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