she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
