yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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