Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
