The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hippo gnu deer
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Can I color on your dick again?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
