just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize