Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
