Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize