Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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