that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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