those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
