The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
