he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
it's like iHOP with fire
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
