You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
