Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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