recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He better not be in your backpack
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
