whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
