I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
