Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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