eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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