god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I want to fling myself into the sun
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
