Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
