All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize