You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
