Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
