I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
