i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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