their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
