Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
