At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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