next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
