i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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