her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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