if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
