You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize