I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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