don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
