You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
