How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
