the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Damn victory sex feels great
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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