You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Edward fifth and chaser hands
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
