i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
